A Winter's Night
by Ponytail Goddess
Summary: Oneshot. During his 5th year at Hogwarts, Severus hopes for a certain visitor on Christmas night to help fight off his loneliness...but will this person show up?


Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or Sarah McLachlan's _Song for a Winter's Night_, whose lyrics are featured at the beginning of this fic.

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**A Winter's Night**

By Ponytail Goddess

_If I could only have you near,  
To breathe a sigh or two,  
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love,  
Upon this winter's night with you._

She wasn't coming.

He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but he had. No matter how much he tried to pretend that staying at Hogwarts over the Christmas holiday was what he wanted, after a few days he could no longer deny that he was lonely.

Not that loneliness was an unfamiliar thing for Severus, as it was not. Severus could count the number of allies he had on one hand. Only one of them mattered though.

The one who hadn't shown up.

Really, he should have known she wouldn't be able to come. How was she to get to Hogwarts, anyway, from her parents' muggle house? They obviously weren't hooked up to the floo network and neither of them had been taught how to apparate yet. How silly of him to wish for something that was impossible…

Yet he did wish it, even now as his lamp was burning low in front of his small desk. Despite the dim light in the room, he could still make out the light flutter of snowflakes blowing against the window closest to where he sat bent over a theoretical potions book that he had acquired from the library.

Severus sighed and silently gave up on reading—he hadn't made it past page two and he had been sitting idly for at least an hour. He had been plagued with thoughts and, dare he admit, hopes of her coming all day long. While he never was "giddy" over Christmas the way the other students at Hogwarts were, he had felt an interesting and indescribable feeling in his chest all day long that he could only blame on his obvious anticipation of her arrival.

The feeling had been wasted though. She wasn't coming; he was now surer than ever. Why would she even want to see him? She had a loving family at home, even if they were bloody muggles. From what he could tell, they loved her and wanted her presence during the Christmas season.

Nobody had ever wanted Severus anywhere…

Indeed, he was a hopeful fool.

Carefully, Severus lifted up the glass of his lamp and blew out the tiny, flickering flame and sat silently in the dark. Though he had planned on allowing his sadness to drown him right then and there, he quickly decided that it was far too cold in his room and found himself retreating to the common room in silence.

Upon arriving in the dark room, Severus was relieved that he was the only one present. There were, after all, two other Slytherin students who were still in the dungeons for the holidays. However, both of them were younger than him and probably rather frightened of him. After all, Severus did maintain his reputation.

This was precisely why he needed to be alone. Crying over something as simple as a girl, a muggle-born too, was very uncharacteristic of him. Normally, he wouldn't even consider thinking about such a thing, but Severus' chest still felt funny with that odd, unidentifiable feeling and he was beginning to think that the only way to relieve it would be an unusual show of emotion.

Quickly, Severus hurried over to the fireplace and quickly ignited the wood with a wave of his wand. A warm fire immediately blazed and brightened the Slytherin common room a bit, though it didn't really put Severus at ease. Rather than sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, Severus sat down in front of the couch and leaned back against it. He brought his knees up to his overly-thin torso and squeezed them in tightly with his arms.

He was deeply hurt. Instinctually, Severus found himself thinking of ways to take revenge on her for fooling him, but quickly found the thoughts floating out of his head. He couldn't do that—not to her. Instead, he found himself dwelling on the gift he had given her right before she left for break.

_"Lily? Lily wait!" Severus called out as a girl with a full head of luxurious red hair walked quickly through the corridor with her suitcase trailing behind her. "Lily!"_

_Finally, she seemed to notice as she stopped and looked around behind her. Not wanting to keep her waiting, Severus jogged towards her. She smiled at him when she finally noticed who had called her and Severus felt something akin to love in his heart, seeing as few people had ever smiled at him. Lily always did though, and for that, he held her close in his heart._

_"Sev! I was hoping I would see you before I left! Happy Christmas!" She said with a twinkle in her deep green eyes as he stopped in front of her. This was followed by a rather unexpected hug from Lily, which made Severus gasp with surprise as her arms wrapped around him._

_Awkwardly, he felt his hands try to return the gesture, but ended up just patting her on the back. Other students were giving them odd looks and this made Severus nervous. He much preferred to be out of the spotlight and unnoticed by all—it was much safer for him that way._

_However, he allowed himself this one indulgence and closed his eyes for a brief moment to savor the contact that he rarely ever had. Lily was very soft and warm and her hair smelled like fresh peaches; Severus took note of these things and stored them away in his memory. Truly, there was nothing better than this._

_It ended all too soon and Severus found himself looking into clear green eyes that were accentuated with the tiniest golden flecks. Merlin, she was beautiful!_

"_What did you want, Sev?" She suddenly questioned, breaking him out of his haze._

"_Oh, I just wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas as well…and to give you this." He said pulling a small package out of his pocket. Upon emerging in the open air, the newspaper-wrapped package grew larger and into a recognizable shape._

_Now, Lily looked at him rather curiously, her eyes not as glittery as before. "Sev…" She said softly, taking the package gently from his hands, "You didn't have to get me anything, you know…"_

_Immediately, Severus recognized that look and felt his cheeks start to burn with humiliation. She knew he didn't have much money, but had the courtesy not to say it outright. Still, her recognizing that fact was just as embarrassing as the former._

"_Just take it Lily." He stated, taking a step back from her with the hopes that she wouldn't try to give it back. "I saw you eyeing it at Hogsmeade. For once, you're actually interested in something that I am. I was hoping..." He said, pausing as he watched her rip open the paper to discover the potions book within. "Well, I was hoping we could brew and experiment with them…you know…together."_

_For a while, Lily didn't say anything. Instead, she simply stared down at the brand new hardcover potions book, running her hand down the front of it and tracing the golden letters idly with her finger._

_Finally, she looked back up at him with a hesitant smile on her face. "Yeah…I'd like that Sev. Thank you."_

"_You're welcome." He said, now smiling, relieved that she liked the book and the idea, even though she clearly wished he hadn't purchased it for her._

"_But Sev, I…" She suddenly started, then stopped and drew him in with her fascinating eyes, "I didn't get you anything."_

"_I don't need anything." He replied, slightly annoyed at the new conversation topic. However, his annoyance immediately washed away when her hand rested on his shoulder, giving him a tingly feeling inside._

"_But I want to get you something. What would you like for Christmas Sev?" She asked softly, easily maintaining eye contact with him._

_Severus found himself speechless._

"_Please Sev, let me do this for you. It's not pity, it's friendship—you know that." She insisted, now grasping his arm with a bit of force._

"_I know it's friendship." He stated softly, looking down as he felt another wave of embarrassment. "I don't know though. I…I just haven't been asked that question very often."_

_He felt her squeeze his arm again, this time in reassurance. "That's okay…there must be something you want… Tell me Sev."_

_Her eyes were so clear when he looked up, so beautiful…and this inspired an idea to start forming in his head. "Well…"He started, feeling rather uncertain of his request, "I…I do get a bit lonely, you know, on Christmas… If you want, you could maybe come and visit?" He asked unsteadily, looking to her for reassurance._

_Lily looked simply startled, though Severus wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't like his gift required a great deal of money or anything. In fact, it seemed quite simple, in theory. He could tell that she didn't want to though, so he quickly took it back as best as he could._

"_But you don't have to…you'll be too busy to come. I'm sure you have better things to do. It's okay." He said quickly._

"_No…" She whispered, stroking his shoulder a bit as she came closer to him, "I want to come. I'm not sure if my parents will let me, but I'll try Sev. I promise."_

_Then, before he could pull away, he felt a small peck on his cheek that made him freeze in shock. He barely noticed her calling her goodbyes over her shoulder as she ran towards the door, her red hair billowing behind her freely._

He was a fool to think she would come, a fool to think she would keep a promise that had been so quickly and thoughtlessly made. Fool, fool, fool…

When the first tear came tumbling down his cheek, Severus buried his head in his knees, allowing his sloppy hair to disguise the rest of his face. Indeed, though he had tried to deny it, he had hoped that she would come and be the answer to his loneliness. She hadn't though and so he was lost in an uncontrollable current of emotions that battered him without reprieve…

…until the soft scent of peaches wafted through the air. Gingerly, a hand took his and held it tightly.

It was the best Christmas he ever had.

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Well, there we have it! A little Christmas fluff for you! Please let me know what you think!

-P.G.


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